Faced with the problem of kick-starting an extended storyline, the writers do what they always do under these circumstances: they summon Angelique. Dark Shadows decides to scrap its existing characters and storylines, and start over with a new set of characters that aren’t very interesting. Eve opens her eyes — the experiment is a success! In a brilliant plot twist, Dr. Julia Hoffman offers Barnabas both a material and a spiritual release from the vampire curse. Magda has a plan to save Jenny and solve everybody’s problems, so naturally she needs to be stopped at all costs. Episode 433: Law of the Jungle There’s a high stakes, dramatic cliffhanger that can be resolved with three words, and Barnabas trips up on word two. This one is about witch hunters and zombies and diaries and eyebrows, and ends with the welcome return of an old friend. Carolyn, David and Professor Stokes are caught up in a whirlwind of post-plot development retcons. It’s amazing. Episode 903: Sentences Taken at Random from H.P. What happened with that and when did she narrate it? Episode 210: Opening the Box  Episode 398: No Rest for the Wicked Laura was sacrificed on a burning pyre by the fire priests of Alexandria, and now she’s standing in the drawing room. Episode 404: Oh My God, Vicki Is an Idiot   If you’ve always wanted to see everything that Julia says in episode 361, in alphabetical order — today is your lucky day. Episode 840: The Grown-Ups Episode 1068: Just a Girl Episode 1022: Suddenly Shipping Angelique Collins has been sleeping in her crystal coffin for six months, patiently waiting for true love’s kiss. Also: I have a question for women. It was a daily soap opera. If you buy the DVD’s, you’ll be able to note that they are called “collections” and not “a series.” Also, not mentioned here are the sets which are labeled “Dark Shadows The Beginning” collections 1 – 6. This is why you don’t see a lot of jolly soap opera writers. Episode 729: Good Night There is only one thing in the world worse than being written about, and that is not being written about. Episode 1129: Windmills, and How to Tilt at Them Episode 907: Barnabas v Julia: Dawn of Justice And yet the single most popular television show for young women is about a guy planning to assassinate a Reverend. You want to know why. Episode 670: Small World Hinton that demonstrates what happens when people encounter Dark Shadows unexpectedly. Dr. Cyrus Longworth synthesizes a bunch of chemicals he probably shouldn’t, and invents the world’s first hate potion. A man is dead, and this time, we’re actually allowed to have some feelings about it. Nicholas and Cassandra have a strategy session, which turns into a film noir sequence straight out of The Maltese Falcon. Barnabas manages to get the lady in the back parlor up on her feet, but after that, she refuses to participate. Episode 909: Another Alias [2] On Azeroth, she is best known as the primary goddess of the night elven pantheon. Angelique stops the execution by running in with a stolen head, and confessing to everything she can think of. Episode 925: The Wolf of Wall Street Episode 1169: This Wonderful Little Gathering Episode 1162: The Tribulations Sorcerian: "Gross." We come back to the present day, exactly where we left it four months ago. Episode 225/226: Fangs for Nothing    Carolyn has a pleasant evening out with an agreeable and attentive young man. Episode 227: Sick Day Episode 1030: A Room of One’s Own They can bring you here because they have control over life, and they can send you away again because they have control over death. Quentin tells Amanda that he loves her. Episode 412: You’ve Got to Believe Me Another day, another funeral, plus a vampire suicide pact. Three characters, an unconscious lady and a pair of mystery feet keep themselves occupied for the afternoon. A very literary entry today, as we study and catalogue the three major schools of Dark Shadows poetry. SOLD OUT! An information management episode, where characters find out that Barnabas is dead, and start making plans for the afterlife. Consequently Dark Funeral filed suit against No Fashion, and have since spearheaded a campaign against "corrupt" record labels. Episode 1176: The Week Between Episode 983: The Terror of Tarrytown Home to Obituary, Dying Fetus, Red Fang, Pig Destroyer, Torche, YOB, Myrkur, Integrity, Nothing, Amenra, Wolves in The Throne Room & more! Barnabas reveals that he’s the secret boss of the Leviathan people, and then re-reveals it, and re-re-reveals it. Quentin finds the magic urn and douses the eternal flame, as New Jersey Network picks up the check and the Third Year begins. Episode 1018: Diagnosis Murder — nervous — very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? Oh, please, come back! Barnabas finds Angelique standing over Quentin, who’s out cold on the carpet and on the borderline of death. We reach the final major turning point in the Dark Shadows story — the day that MGM greenlights House of Dark Shadows. Episode 504: The Ladykiller Here's an episode guide for all of the Dark Shadows Every Day posts. Episode 712: The Neverending Story Rachel tries to get into the tower room, because she’s a cross between Jane Eyre and Nancy Drew, in a love triangle with Count Dracula and Abigail from The Crucible. Megan and Philip are on the verge of destroying each other when they suddenly get a new supervisor, just in the nick of time. Episode 682: The Four Maggies Episode 969: PTED Of course you don’t raise your children yourself. Still overstressed with an accelerated production schedule, Dark Shadows indulges in another workplace fantasy: killing your staff. David looks into his crystal ball to find out where Sarah is. Roger opens and closes doors, Jason plays Where’s Willie, and Barnabas hangs out under the boom mic for a while. Episode 509: Blind Date Decapitated warlock Judah Zachery takes control of Gerard’s body, which we all wanted to do but never had the guts. Obviously, Quentin isn’t going to die under that swinging pendulum, so we’re free to look at something important, like Barnabas and Angelique talking about their feelings. Episode 1090: Today’s Ten Things That Make No Sense Heaven must be missing an angel, because here she comes: Daphne Harridge, going undercover as an alive person. Episode 1053: Whodidn’tit How do you even begin to explain why a Frankenstein monster is playing a heated game of passive-aggressive solitaire while a vampire describes his victim selection process? Time Travel, part 12: Nevertheless, They Persisted A squad of devoted Angelique truthers follows Alexis around, trying desperately to figure out if she’s herself or her twin sister. Dark Shadows cleans house as we prepare for the dawn of a new lunatic scheme, adapting an H.P. Episode 261: Bigger on the Inside Julia safecracks Barnabas’ old crib, and learns some valuable lessons about playing with wild animals. Another medical school dropout makes a haunted house call. Jeb Hawkes struggles to find a way to survive the disastrous end of his disastrous storyline. The new masters of Earth are rattled by a standard Dark Shadows haunted-house sequence, including darkness, a candle blowing out, and a chill. Episode 465: The Best of All Possible Worlds Meanwhile, on Saturday mornings, a new creature is born. Barnabas thinks everyone is Josette, Angelique announces a deadline, and Quentin passes his final initiation into Murder Club. The house party goes sour, as the ghosts play a baffling mix tape that drives all the guests away. Strange Paradise, Episode 1: Dry Ice Burns Episode 1093: The Shrinking Shares Episode 332: Safe? This is not a scaleable business plan. Episode 655: Accidentally Yours Quentin, Daphne and Leticia execute their top-secret escape plan, which everybody knows about and doesn’t seem particularly urgent. The Dark Shadows Cookbook helps to feed a hungry audience, for the last time. Episode 389: It’s Complicated Nicholas walked into the woods and turned a pile of ashes into a person, and now he’s doing a performance review. Dark Shadows Comic Strip, part 1: The Tortured Undead It’s the final week in 1795, and the characters have moved into a new level of nonsensical behavior. Episode 364: Boom Goes the Dynamite Episode 1190: The Years of Time Episode 1085: Our Ignorance and Folly Episode 694: The Surrender Quentin shows his new time machine to an evil warlock, who nods and smiles, and thinks about something else. Episode 1150: The Strange Goings-On Episode 519: Ex Wife Episode 990: Let It Burn It’s time for Quentin to stop skulking in the shadows, and take his place as a major character. Episode 754: The Hunger Games Episode 1039: Barnabas, Julia and the Lady in the Back Parlor Episode 428: Duel It Yourself Episode 726: The Comeback Episode 686: The Case of the Lifted Ledger Dear Twitpic Community - thank you for all the wonderful photos you have taken over the years. Time Travel, part 1: Mist Opportunities    I wasn’t really paying attention. Episode 856: The Switcheroo Episode 334: All Those Dead People Episode 1168: How I Long to Be Wrong Seeing how these actors managed to keep their cool and recover from forgotten lines, mangled cues, and noisy crew members makes me think they deserve way more respect than most film actors today. Episode 430: Dark Conquest It’s the second pre-emption special of the week, watching another episode of the 1991 revival series. We open the mystery box once again, and something terrible is loosed upon the world. Episode 374: The Wedding Presence A chance remark offers new insights into They, the dark and shadowy organization manipulating events from behind the scenes. Episode 358: Boy Meets Ghoul Angelique falls, and this world falls with her. Eve travels back in time to 1795, because she is crazy and reckless and there is no excuse for her behavior. We try to come to grips with the ungrippable Hallie Stokes. Episode 392: Christmas Stalking Episode 361: The One Where Julia Loses Her Mind    Magda comes back from her field trip to visit the King of the Gypsies with a wonderful treasure that will solve everything: a mystery box! Episode 1031: The Last Day of Parallel Time The Leviathans are dropping in the polls, so they make a desperate pitch to the public: “What do you have to lose?”. Barnabas feels a sudden and inexplicable desire for blood, which can only be sated by turning the show into a comic book and never letting it turn back. Episode 418: A Dark and Stormy Night (Varney the Vampire, part 1) Ron Sproat finds another excuse to lock a woman in a room. Episode 223: The Me/You Fun Gap Episode 768: Number One with a Bullet They include episodes 1 – 209….. and, are worth mentioning because they tell the story of how Vickie Winters comes to be the governess, and, how Willie Loomis “entered” the picture. Episode 620: Sets and Violence Episode 237: Cold Case Episode 224: The Late Shift And why does Charity Trask have blue eyes? The native Humans of Onderon struggled against the beasts, eventually gathering new … Episode 350: Grumpy Old Man The strategy: surprise returns of characters you thought were gone, and explaining the storyline again. Episode 837: The Trip John Yaeger, the personification of the evil impulses in man’s soul, goes out for the evening and personifies. We offer a critical analysis of the structured binary opposition between the signifiers “Quentin Collins” and “Grant Douglas”. Hooray!!! David and Amy participate in the least spooky “spooky kid” routine in history. We follow Jonathan Frid on a week-long promotional trip to discover the true darkness at the heart of America. Episode 651: Mother’s Little Helper Barnabas Collins, the eternal moody adolescent, moves back into his parents’ basement. Episode 973: Groundhog Day Episode 577: Artificial Intelligence Julia walks away from a gunshot, invents a new theory of time travel, cures vampirism and gets all the funny lines. Barnabas wants an explanation. Professor Stokes leads an exorcism of Collinwood, to cast out the spirit of Quentin Collins and save a young boy’s life. Episode 419: Lose My Number In 2013 Lord Ahriman & Dark Funeral signed to Century Media Records for their upcoming new studio album. Episode 638: Win a Date with Jonathan Frid Angelique is still being haunted by Z-Jay. Barnabas falls in with a gang of gloomy grad students, Julia hears voices, Carolyn’s skirt declares war, and a man walks around wearing shoes. Episode 292: I Know Who’s Dead Episode 321: What We Talk About When We Talk About Ghosts There will be consequences. Episode 649: The Rise and Fall Episode 241: Mrs. Snuffleupagus Episode 472: Lethal Weapon Thank you for the time you spent preparing your entertaining and enlightening comments!!! It’s just Vicki and four guys today, each one nuttier than the last. The Angelique/Quentin story gets itself into an unruly tangle that can only be resolved by Hoffman, the blood specialist housekeeper family historian. Episode 926: The Shark, and How to Jump It Episode 1184: The Graham Crack-Up Maggie visits the argument clinic, as the spirits line up for the chance to harm her. Episode 523: The Devil You Know It’s absolute chaos around here, with subplots just ricocheting all over the place. Episode 248: Damsel in This Dress    The Barnabas/Julia chemistry works even when Julia wears brown makeup and pretends to be someone else, while the Quentin/Beth story sputters on the launchpad. Twelve is an option. I remember it was at her house because we weren’t allowed to watch it at home. Carolyn finds Adam hiding in the root cellar, killing time between sprees. Episode 437: There’s Just Us In which we meet the third Roxanne in four months. Jeb destroys the Leviathan box, the Leviathan altar and the whole goddamn Leviathan storyline. The Collins family has a problem, and once again, there’s only one thing to do: hold a seance, and talk to the dead. Episode 889: It’s From the Past This episode is basically a series of escalating dares between Liz and Jason, like a very slow and dramatic game of chicken. Angelique descends into the underworld, to tell the Devil that Nicholas is being totally mean to her. Madame Janet Findley: The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long. Episode 499: A Senior Moment The end of today’s episode is a huge exciting milestone, which they screw up completely. There’s box Barnabas and bed Barnabas, a quantum superposition that refuses to resolve. We’re joining a story already in progress, as people usually do with soap operas, forcing us to use our televisual literacy to figure out what we’ve missed. Three years in, Kathryn Leigh Scott finally finds her light. After Jeff marries Vicki, he’s tugged back into the past by a mysterious “They”. It’s Halloween 1968, and the young children of America are watching a half-naked Joe throttle Barnabas with a rope. Episode 255: Job Interview with the Vampire Barnabas and Julia argue about which storyline to care about. The week-long Dark Shadows quality improvement program concludes by turning into the weirdest possible version of Rebecca. Episode 839: The Gods Laugh Sometimes Barnabas and Quentin argue, as Jonathan and David make their long-playing dreams come true. Another New Beginning (Bloodlust) Yes, don’t worry — I’m going to episode 1245. Episode 342: Shadow of the Bat Police officers on Dark Shadows combine the inadequacy of soap opera cops with the inadequacy of monster movie cops. Sabrina invites herself over for a mandatory late-night party game at Collinwood, and then she just stands around and talks about how evil everybody else is. In the painted portrait sometimes the ring is white. Episode 1062: Don’t Take It Personal (Just One of Dem Days) I used to get my information on the episodes from darkshadows.com, but it disappeared a few years back. I’m at episode 280 now and I still can’t seem to get enough of the show or your blog. Her name is Bathia Mapes. Episode 924: Pretty Woman Episode 944: Essence and Intelligence and Werewolves Quentin and Gerard row up the Amazon to find a West African voodoo doll by way of Haiti, Louisiana, medieval Britain and the State of New Jersey. Caught up to DSE just when Hulu dropped season 17 and 18…where can I get my low cost DS fix now!?! Barnabas takes another flash-forward time trip into the future, searching for the monster that stole his soil. X3: What Does Barnabas Use in His Coffee? Is the new Vicki really a bad recast, or is there another reason why Dark Shadows fans don’t like her? . Elizabeth dies temporarily, and everybody gets all uptight about it. Time Travel, part 14: It Is What It Is But in a good way. Angelique returns to the things she does best: casting spells, flirting with boys and talking to Barnabas about their relationship status. Episode 592: And the Walls Fell Down It’s not a surprise that she’s started considering suicide as an option. Then he meets the in-laws. Episode 982: Bad Marriages Episode 232: Just Add Water David takes a shortcut through a Chromakey forest, on his way to a playdate at the crypt. Now he’s sitting on the couch and talking about how discouraged he is. Episode 690: Laugh Like a Man Episode 693: Sticks and Stokes What things? Onderon with its largest moon Dxun and Suthre in the background, as seen from space. Episode 274: The Bachelor When a visitor appears uneasy, you should automatically assume that he’s planning to murder you. For the final pre-emption day, we look at Sam Hall’s “Here’s What Really Happened to Barnabas & Co”, to learn about the long-range plans that they didn’t have for the characters. Episode 995: I’ll Bite Anything After dominating the show last week, vampire Dirk makes three fatal mistakes, all of them staffing related. Episode 1127: The Unexplainable Happenings Episode 1194: No Exit This time, Vicki’s been thrust back in time to the 18th century, to take another shot at rebooting the reboot. Someone should probably check the conservatory for loose candlesticks and lead pipes. Episode 299: A Human Life Maggie the Vampire Slayer takes action, recruiting Willie into helping her knock some sense into Barnabas. Put-upon Angelique struggles with those stubborn post-murder-attempt bloodstains, and then who should come along but her mother-in-law! The Dark Shadows comic strip tells the classic boy-meets-ancient-Egyptian-goddess story, and Barnabas Collins takes a tour of Frids Through the Ages. Angelique is angry, and you know what that means. Episode 795: The Pits Time Travel, part 13: Total Blood Volume I started watching it on Amazon Prime thinking I’d probably quit after a couple of episodes. Today: two short stories from The World of Dark Shadows. We’ve spent three months investigating Barnabas’ past. Episode 522: Brother From Another Episode 471: A Farewell to Arms Savvy? Episode 489: Bein’ Green Episode 876: The Curse of the Caffeinated Mrs. Johnson cleans up the caretaker’s cottage, and Quentin Collins finally shows up for work again. Episode 677: Lycanthropology Don Briscoe reappears on the show as the deeply unromantic Tim Shaw, which means it’s time for our backstage guessing game: Did He Fall, or Was He Pushed? Episode 659: Gone Girl Call me crazy, but I think the show has become a little morbid lately. It’s time for another Great Moment in Monster Medicine. Tim watches calmly, with an amused smile on his face, as the woman he’s murdered struggles for a last painful breath. Not this balcony, naturally; I mean the balcony in the theater next door. Two kids trapped in a playroom, doing a master class on giving the hell up. Then he goes around and asks people if they think Barnabas is a bit odd. The Dark Shadows cast heads upstate to make a Dark Shadows movie, instead of staying home and making Dark Shadows. Vicki gets some bad news about Burke. Episode 266: Jump Start Gerard enters the room, and demonstrates the value of a road not taken. Barnabas goes down to the docks for a bite to eat. Episode 1198: Goodbye to All That It’s a pre-emption day, so we watch another episode of the 1991 revival series. Episode 695: Exile Episode 1181: You, Again 2) Pretend that Danny’s recaps were published in a regular column in the New York Post at the time the episodes first aired. I was searching for your name on the internet lol. Episode 1122: The Lost World We journey into the Second Dimension, to check in with the residents of trading-card Collinwood. Episode 939: My Father’s Killer If you are looking to add a new special item to your record collection or want to surprise someone with an exclusive gift, you can find one by browsing our growing collection of colored vinyl and rare, unique records. Episode 905: Waiting for Quentin Angelique challenges the gods, and faces a nemesis she never knew she had. Sheriff Patterson’s investigation hits a dead end as usual, but Julia makes a startling discovery that leads into the third act of the 1968 saga. Episode 764: Straight Outta Collinsport Barnabas is currently being hunted by villagers wielding torches and pitchforks, but don’t worry! Episode 1044: Weekend at Barney’s Barnabas is holding a knife to Angelique, and she’s still doing a sales pitch. Barnabas tries to figure out what’s happened to Julia, who’s the latest vampire victim. Episode 1178: The Mary Sue Extrusion The blog reaches the halfway point on this strange and terrifying journey through Dark Shadows, and to celebrate, we’re reading another issue of the Gold Key comic book: “The Fires of Darkness”! ( Log Out /  Barnabas and Julia travel around, protecting the monsters from those meddling kids. Episode 581: Light My Fire The show’s main character is dead, so today we get a handful of secondary characters, arguing about who belongs in which storyline. 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